{The Secret Circle} How To…Attack Men Who Stab Your Dad

I almost forgot The Secret Circle was even back. It’s been too long CW! We learned all kinds of things: Cassie’s dad is not evil, VooDoo guy might be dead, Melissa is the best advice giver ever and Blackwell loves how much Jake loves him some Cassie. Oh, and we also learn that Cassie and Adam aren’t just gross to watch, their relationship is also a curse upon the stars! What a twist!

Another twist? Ethan — Adam’s poppa — stabbed Blackwell! WTF?! No worries, as per usual, Cassie showed me how to attack a man who stabs your father. Step one:

Look shocked and freak out! “OMFG! DADDY-O!”

Step Two:

Run and check on him. I mean, he’s your dad. He was just stabbed by a douche. Go check him out. Make sure he’s going to live.

Cassie checks her pops out. He’s bleeding a lot, but he’ll probably live. He also pulls the knife out of his torso like a badass reformed black magic pimp. Anyway, now that you’ve assessed the damage, you need to move on to Step Three.

Get that patented Cassie Blake psycho bitch face.

Step Four:

Photo and caption: TV.com

Chase down the bad guy.

Now the good part. This step requires a bleacher and black magic. Step Five:

Levitate a bleacher. Once you’ve done that, do this:

Literally knock the S*&t out of them with the bleacher. Make sure you use enough force to flip them in the air and break the bleacher in half when it makes contact with their bodies. It should leave the knife-wielding assailant like so:

Ah, perfect! That should teach naughty Ethan a lesson! And if it doesn’t you can always do Step Six:

FINISH HIM! Mortal Kombat style. With a 2×4. While making super psycho bitch face.

If your father stops you before you kill your boyfriend’s father, be sure to thank him. (Although if she had killed Ethan, Adam would probably hate her. And they would break up. And we wouldn’t be subjected to their gross lovey dovey scenes. And the world wouldn’t end because of their cursed written in the stars in blood romance. Something to consider…)

If you want to watch the whole thing play out live, watch it here:

Hey, at least she’s not killing Jakey-poo. Can those two get together finally?

Did you watch The Secret Circle this week? Did you learn anything from Cassie Blake? Was this tutorial helpful for the day when you have to use magic to avenge your father’s knife-wielding attacker? Tell me in the comments!


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Filed under It's Written in the Stars Yo, Recap

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