I don’t watch Ringer because, in my humble opinion, it’s a terrible show. And not terrible in a good way. BAD terrible. It has episode titles like “Oh Gawd, There’s Two of Them,” “Shut Up and Eat Your Bologna” and “What Are You Doing Here, Ho-Bag?”
Well Ho-Bag, today I’m talking about little Juliet Martin, who I never knew existed until yesterday. Juliet is the stepdaughter of the rich fake-death twin and now the fake-stepdaughter of the ex-stripper drunk poor twin. And she’s getting the spotlight for outfits like this:
JULIET MARTIN, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WEARING?! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cupcake look so shocked and appalled. I’m so impressed that you managed to turn your father’s pillowcase into a dress. It covers almost nothing. Is that the shocking thing? Have you just caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror? Poor you!
Juliet also wears things like this:
Even your girlfriend Andrea is like, stop hitting on your teacher! Also, buy a longer skirt! I have never seen someone so steadfastly dedicate themselves to slutty skirt lengths! Or someone with a friend who wears Madonna’s reject clothing from 1984.
Sadly that sliver on the side of the screen is the best shot I could get of this fugtastic outfit. It has so MANY colors. So MANY patterns. And all of them manage to be hideous! I guess when she’s not wearing slutty skirts, her matching abilities are thrown off.
This photo is great because she’s trying to hide just how slutty her outfit is with her purse and Gage Golighty’s name. Some women use purses to hide pregnancy. Juliet uses purses as skirt extenders. Gage can’t even save you. That skirt literally ends just below the va-jay-jay. I believe it is made out of a tube top or perhaps she borrowed it from a My Sized Barbie.
This is the best outfit I’ve seen her wear (I scanned every CW photo available and read all of the “Fug the Show” recaps). And still it’s borderline hideous. I wish the picture was extended because I bet my bottom dollar that after the blue stripe there is no more dress.
There’s nothing wrong with her top (though the skirt ends at the va-jay-jay). But I love the fact that the girl behind her is wearing a beret and a MESH top, BUT STILL GLARING AT HER because Juliet Martin is so bitchy and slutty.
Hopefully on a future episode of Ringer titled, “Bitchface, I’m Still Alive and I Prefer Ham, It’s My Twin Who Likes Bologna” Juliet Martin will start exploring the magical world of cleavage and show up to school in seduction outfits that solely consist of a sports bra and a napkin as a skirt.
Do watch Ringer? Does Juliet Martin own any pants? Seriously, I want to know…