Gossip Girl WTH Are They Wearing?! (Maternity/Royal Influence Edition)

SERENA: We need to talk. I've been looking so cute and you've been looking so fug. BLAIR: But your dress has flags! And it looks like there's a doorway to your vagina! SERENA: Be that as it may, I'm working it! PHOTO: The CW

You know that Gossip Girl lost me the minute I was supposed to support an abusive Chuck Bass. And you know they double lost me when Blair was suddenly preggers — which we know is a plot twist I loathe. But I’ve been catching up on the fashion — in large thanks to the lovely Gossip Girl Fashion blog — and despite some snaps for Serena– who’s been killing it in gold lame 70s inspired DVF and a little McQ print dress — I’m not really feeling this:

Help this woman!! Photo: The CW

BLAIR WALDORF, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WEARING?! I know that pregnancy is not the easiest of times for fashionistas. But maternity-wear has really stepped up its game in the last decade. So why this? You look like an orange dinner napkin that your baby puked confetti all over. And the bows over the boobs? Is this an attempt to hide that her belly is supposed to be pregnant but her boobs haven’t gotten the memo? Cause in real life, those babies wouldn’t need any embellishment. Trust.

SERENA: Let's go drinking! Oh wait... PHOTO: The CW

And I totally get the baby doll cut. She’s pregnant. It covers up the bump. But it just looks terrible. Terrible like that shade of pumpkin she’s wearing. (And I’m saying this as someone whose favorite color is orange)(And yes Serena’s dress has a doorway to her sacred place and racing flags. But she’s still working it!)

The Gossip Girl wardrobe has really gone into overdrive with the baby doll cut. Please note:

What is that? PHOTO: The CW

BLAIR WALDORF, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WEARING?! While red is more flattering, not THAT MUCH red. And I’m all for the asymmetrical cut, but you look like the red version of Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Perhaps you’re humming an acapella version of “Poor Unfortunate Souls?”

This isn’t even that bad.

Not compared to this:

DAN: You look ridiculous girl. BLAIR: No, I look royal. PHOTO: The CW

PLEASE STOP BLAIR WALDORF! PLEASE STOP! What is this? Capes can be cool. Bows can be cute. Hats can be fun. NOT ALL TOGETHER. It’s so matchie-matchie that it’s gross. And the paisley beret is a total fail. Not even you can pull this off, Blair. And I blame this outfit on the royal storyline and GG‘s attempt to incorporate hats and fascinators into the wardrobe as an homage to the real life British royals. But I ask you, would Kate Middleton be caught dead in this? No! Would she force Pippa to rock this:

PHOTO: Daily Mail

WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WEARING GEORGINA SPARKS?! This is by far the fugliest thing I’ve seen on Gossip Girl in some time. Hideous shoes? Check. Hooker tights? Check. Crazy fascinator? Double check. What hath the royal wedding wrought?

At least there’s good news. Blair Waldorf won’t have her baby. Gasp! As if we didn’t already know that GG writers had no way to incorporate a baby into a season and make it a sexy accessory. And there’s better news.

PHOTO: Daily Mail

Georgina’s hideous hat makes an awesome baby toy! Probably a good feather duster too.

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Filed under Ew Vanessa Abrams, Fashion Smashion, WTH Are They Wearing?!

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