The Vampire Diaries‘ town of Mystic Falls has some of the most ridiculous, episode-serving celebrations I’ve ever seen on TV. Which is part of why I love them so! (That and the fact that there’s only one restaurant/grill in the ENTIRE TOWN!) Let’s look at this long list of Mystic Falls events and celebrations.
Mystical Falls doesn’t have just one decade dance. Oh no, they have — to our current knowledge — three. A fifties, sixties and seventies dance [which we have yet to see].
Of course, every Decade Dance is the backdrop for some serious life-or-death, world-hanging-in-the-balance, look-out-it’s-Klaus level shiz!
Maybe Jeremy’s girlfriend is trying to help Noah unlock the tomb? Maybe lives are being threatened? Maybe Damon is being flirty and dancing with Elena and Bonnie?
Or maybe this is happening…
Too bad her boyfriend wants her dead and junk, huh?
ELENA: Why are you guys looking suspicious and glaring?
CAROLINE: Because something bad always happens! I flipping hate Decade Dances! I’m not even going to the 70s Decade Dance!
BONNIE: SAMESIES! These parties make my nose bleed!
Night of the Comet Festival
Aw, nothing like candlelight and moonlight to persuade a young impressionable girl into hooking up with a super old blood sucker named Stefan!
Sexy Suds Car Wash
The Sexy Suds Car Wash started as a way of raising funds for the athletic department. It was meant to be sweet and good, but of course kids show up in next to nothing, making it slutty. It kind of reminded me of this:
Only not funny. Anyway, the Car Wash becomes “The Mystical Falls Bonfire Fundraiser” thanks to Bonnie and her witchy temper.
Keep that back workout up Bonnie! You look great!
Night of Illumination
Any celebration that involves lanterns always means that there will be:
(A) a hook-up in a restroom with a dead girlfriend
(B) A guest appearance by Jasmine Guy that doesn’t involve her saying “Dwayne Wayne!”
(C) Torture sequences
Honestly, there were so many freaking ghosts –or as I like to call them, guest appearances — that my head was spinning. Typical Mystic Falls celebration insanity, right? And don’t even get me started on the crazy decorations:
Lanterns and mutilated corpses? Just ew! At least we got a great shot of Damon being Damon:
Suddenly, the Night of Illumination seems worth it.
Miss Mystic Falls Pageant
I love an annual founding families beauty pageant. Especially when your boyfriend is too busy doing this to escort you down the stairs:
Talk about awkward.
ELENA: I’m freaking out! I’m going to have to dance with Damon!
CAROLINE: Girl, please! I’ll do it for you!
This one has several subcategories of ridiculous events, which include, but I’m sure the writers will tell me are not limited to:
– Founder’s Day Fundraiser and Bachelor Raffle
– Founder’s Day Kick-Off Party
– Founder’s Day Party and Heritage Display
Honestly, VD, I get that the Founders are a big part of history and drama in Mystic Falls, but how many freaking Founder’s Day Events can we have that always happen to occur simultaneously with end-of-days scenarios?
Oh I love carnivals on teen shows! Do you know what I think of when someone says “Carnival?”
Um…not that. Sorry Carter.
This event was worth it just for that costume. Seriously, who cares about Vicki getting staked or any of that junk. It’s all about Bonnie’s ironic Halloween costume. Also, Caroline is supposed to be a witch, but with that tilted hat she looks like slutty Capt. Jack Sparrow.
Katherine shows up, kills some people, strangles Caroline, tries to throw herself at Stefan. You know, the usual. But she’s wearing a mask so it makes it WAY more interesting! Thank heavens there was a Masquerade Ball for all this! This also happens:
Bonnie and Jeremy flirt. FYI girl, don’t waste your time. He’s totally going to cheat on you with a dead girl in a bathroom on the Night of Illumination. If I may be puny — and I will — the mask will come OFF that night! Oh! See what I did there? Fine! Don’t laugh. Whatever.
Look, the truth is there are a bajillion more Mystic Falls events, but I’m too exhausted to even get through them all. I mean just look at what you’re missing:
– Mystic Falls Historical Society Volunteer Day [more Founders things]
– Senior Prank Night
– Gone With the Wind Screening [more costumes]
– Historical Society Tea [more historical things, meaning flashbacks]
– Career Night [WTF?! Supernatural beings don’t need careers]
– Back to School Dance
– Party at the Grill [And we all know which Grill it is as there is only one]
And I’m probably even missing things like house parties. Seriously writers: STOP WITH ALL THE EVENTS! HOW MANY MORE CAN YOU MAKE? Answer: many more. Homecoming is coming up this season. And we have a 70s dance. I wonder if they’ll just start inventing parties for days of the week or books they’re reading in class like “Tuesday Night Barbeque” or “Catcher in the Rye Debate.”
Did you know Mystic Falls had this many events and parties? Which do you think is the most ridiculous? Share your thoughts in the comments!